Wednesday, October 8, 2008

May 2006 Archive

May 30, 2006
Movie a-go-go
We watched The Jacket tonight. It was Slaughterhouse Five meets a reverse 12 Monkeys. It was all right. Some of the plot points were really telegraphed...slipping on ice? Come on. I saw that a mile away. Stupid.
But it was otherwise all right. It was definitely not what the trailer made it out to be, though I already knew that. We've still got Titanic TiVO'd. Neither of us have seen it yet. Yes, yes, I know that just un-possible. But it's true. Almost 10 years later, I think I'm past hating the totally over-hyped BS that movie brought on. I might actually be able to enjoy it. We'll see.
And since I've come across several people talking about Joe vs. the Volcano lately, and it's been looping non-stop on every damn HBO channel we have, I decided to record it and watch it sometime. I haven't seen it since I was probably 14, and I remember little to nothing about it. I'll have to check it out later this week.
My sweet little TiVO also recorded The Count of Monte Cristo. I saw it in the theater and thoroughly enjoyed it. I've also read one of the bazillion different abridged version of the novel. I enjoyed it, though the end is quite different from the movie (surprise). It was an interesting look at what society thought as acceptable in that era. Fallen women were fallen women. No redemption. Mary Barton was a good example of that.
Overall, I find most 19th century literature boring as hell. And early 20th century lit can be just as bad. Have I mentioned how much I HATE Faulkner? Just thinking about his novels makes me want to slit my wrists. I had to read As I Lay Dying in high school, and I it may as well have been acid in my eyes. But I recently just finished Burroughs' Junkie, which was really pretty good.
I also registered us for Origins and Gencon today, and I got our hotel squared away for Indy. Should be a fun time.
May 29, 2006
Tears, idle tears, I know not what they mean
Today was a much-needed day of relaxation and me-time. I haven't been able to sleep the last three nights, and I had to get up early for the last two days. So, sleeping in until a whopping 9am this morning was fantastic. I ran to the grocery and, as usual, wandered around completely unsure of what to buy. This is has been going on since dad died. I have no idea why my grocery shopping ability has been destroyed by my father's death, but it has. Things haven't affected me like I thought they would. I just feel confused, mostly.
But after the grocery, I went for a great walk with my neighbor. Then I decided to go to the Kettering Water Park. It was really nice to just lay in the grass on my towel and read. Now that I'm 30, I've decided to read Portrait of a Lady. I was told that I wouldn't really "get it" until I was 30, so I decided to wait. Anyway, it was nice to recline in the giant wading pool and watch people having fun and enjoying themselves. It was probably really good for me to be surrounded by a lot of happy people enjoying a beautiful day. It did a lot for my mood.
After a nice cool shower, I went to the mall and did a little shopping. I spent more than I should have but certainly less than I could have. I stumbled across an amazing little black dress that was 60% off. So I picked up that, a pair of shorts, and some strappy black sandals that are a bit fancier than most of my shoes. I figured I should have something that goes with the dress but that I can wear to work, too. I picked up two handbags, one kind of big khaki one, and one smaller kind of chic black one--both of which were stupidly cheap. I also picked up a super cheap (but very cool) tank for my triumphant return to the club in a couple of weeks. God I can't wait to get out and go dancing. One more week.
It's like I set these little goals of normalcy for myself. Once I do THIS, then things will be back to normal. After THIS happens, things will be normal. Once we're doing THIS, it will all get better. But I'm fooling myself. Two months later, I still feel like it isn't real. When does it become real? It all just seems to be manifesting in strange ways. Ways that are completely unexpected. I don't feel like I have a lot of people to talk to about it. There's the one lady I work with that's been really helpful, but a lot of people just don't want to talk about it. I get it. It's hard. I go through days where I don't want to think about it, much less have a discussion about my new sudden irrational fear that I'm going to drop dead at any second. Hurrah for anxiety mixed with grief, but I've been told by previously said lady that she went through the same thing, and it passes.
Kev and I watched The Interpreter tonight. He didn't particularly love it, but I thought it was really good. I have no idea why, but I really love Nicole Kidman. Maybe I just empathize with her having been involved with a total psycho for several years **cough Tom Cruise cough**. But I really liked the film. While some of the plot points were totally transparent from the beginning, there were still a few moments where I was full of uncertainty. I enjoyed it. I recommend it if you like dramas.
After that, I watched Part I of a History Channel show about the Black Death. It was interesting, but it didn't contain anything particularly new or mind-shattering. No surprises there. Now, I'm contemplating what to do for the rest of the evening. I think might read. I played WoW all day yesterday, and I just don't feel like logging in today. I feel like I got some things accomplished.
The next few weekends should prove to be fun. The Strawberry Festival is next weekend. Followed by the Yellow Springs Street Fair the next weekend. I really go more for the food than anything else. But the penultimate experience of this summer will be Snakes on a Plane. You know it.
May 29, 20068, 2006
We went to see X-Men: The Last Stand this morning. Wow. The Suque. It certainly wasn't the worst movie I've seen, but it was below mediocre. I guess I just felt pissed that this was the "wrap-up" movie for the series (supposedly), and they just killed some people off due to scheduling conflicts. Dumb.
Wolverine crying? Just plain stupid. Wolverine is the type of guy who acts out in extreme rage when he has to kill his it-can-never-be love of his life. He doesn't CRY. What a puss. Halle Berry had way too many speaking lines. Famke Janssen looked pretty good. Looks like she finally ate a couple of cheeseburgers. But basically, she just stood around giving dirty looks to the camera. And James Marsden and Patrick Stewart were killed off--James probably for being in Bryan Singer's Superman. Take THAT traitor! You don't kill of key people just because of scheduling conflicts. Send them to a crisis in Malaysia for fuck sake.
And the one-liners. /sigh "I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!" They were so forced and trite they made me want to spit. What is it with movies trying to force one-liners now? Having a marketing background, I understand that getting something to stick in people's heads is a good thing. But you can't force it. It has to be fluid, natural, ...remotely witty.
May 26, 2006
Sad, but so so funny
"Female sexuality must be, as ever, contained, repressed, shoved deep down lest it tempt men to sin like gleeful pagans licking ice cream from the pierced nipples of the devil."
I hate when I put myself out there only to get shame and embarrassment in return.
May 25, 2006
Leonardo Da Vinci and his fightin' genius time commandos
Every time I see a father's day ad or a "Buy your dad something awesome for Father's Day!" special, I want to vomit. Check that, I want to aim my vomit at the nearest sales person. I quickly avert my eyes and start pushing thoughts through my head as fast as they'll go.
IthinkIwouldreallylikesomechocolatecake.fuck.that'sanadforachocolatecakefor fathersday.whothehellwouldbuytheirdadachocolatecakeforfather'sday?Idon'thavea
Speaking of salespeople, I can't remember where I was the other day when I saw this. But I remember doing a double take at the woman who was helping me. Her eyeliner looked like she had taken an ultra-fat Sharpie and repeatedly (and unsuccessfully) tried to jab herself in the eye with it. It's haunted me for days.
Today has been the first hot day of the year. Somewhere in the mid-80s, my hair turned into a pile of shit on top my head from the humidity. The cats are laying around like little beached whales. Zen wanted to lay on my lap so bad, but he kept getting too hot. He'd just stretch his head to lay it on my leg and desperately try to keep his body on the leather binder next to me. I hate turning on the air conditioner. It means closing up the apartment like it's winter. ugh.
I sat through a few episodes of The Tick cartoon tonight. I watched it avidly when it was on Saturday mornings. I remember sitting on the phone with He-Who-Cannot-Be-Named watching it together. Over the telephone. Yeah. Anyway, it's weird watching something that brings back such shitty feelings but is really a pretty funny toon. I sit there the whole time kind of treading water in a sea of disgust and amusement. They go together like Rhesus Monkeys and Peanut Butter.
May 24, 2006
All I wanna do is watch you undress. This is love.
I've been trying really hard to whip myself back into shape. Regardless of how lethargic, depressed, or pissed off I feel, I have a job to do. And I have to be a professional. So despite feeling like punching people in the throat, I've smiled and graciously sucked it up. I know I've been dropping the ball on my job for the last month, and I know it's annoying a few people. So I decided Monday to just pull it together and get on with things. Easier said than done, but I actually feel better pushing myself to work harder.
I finally got my tradeshow screens back from the printer today. I'm happy with the overall design. I feel like it's the first design work I've ever truly been proud of, but I can't help but scrutinize the tiny imperfections. The tiny digital smudge (grrrr I should have caught that), the chipmunk-nibbled spot on the one image (grrr), and a couple of other things. But all the extra work I put into fixing the font outline was worth it. It looks amazing.
Although, I will admit this was my first endeavor at working with files this large. They were 40" x 84". Aaaand my laptop acted like it was on its last leg trying to deal with the 300+MB files. It took forever just to save or merge layers. I read my Photoshop User Magazine during the long waits. Yargh. Next time, I'll have the experience to make sure to double check these minor errors.
May 22, 2006
My old roommate and I went for a hike out in the Glen after work today. God did I need that.
I've erased this sentence about 9 times and restarted it. Let's try again on the next line.
How do I feel about my dad dying? I don't know.
I think it is just now starting to sink in that I'm never going to see him again. Ryan and I cleaned out the horse barn Saturday. THAT is where all my memories were with dad. We had horses. That is where I spent time with him. Grooming, twitching, saddling, picking, cleaning, showing...that was it. Those were my fondest and best memories of being daddy's little girl. I know it hurt him when I got a car, discovered boys, and he ended up selling my horse because I was no longer interested. But those things happen. It's one thing that makes me unsure I want to be a parent.
My father has died, and I feel like I never got the chance to know him. Who was he? What did he want out of life? Why will I inherit 9,756 keys?
Years ago, I had broached the subject of wanting to take over the farm. He said no. He wanted more for me. Farming was hard. You can't make a living at it anymore. So I made a new life for myself that took me about as far from my former life as anything could. I listen to punk music. I play online games. I play D&D. I go to goth clubs. I re-created myself to be totally opposite of everything I ever knew. Why? I don't know. It's who I am now, really. I never forced myself to enjoy those things. I just did.
My friend Amy got married at the old former-junior-high school out where we grew up. One of her quasi-locally-famous punk band friends approached me as I was serving wedding cake to the guests and said with a fair amount of disbelief in his voice, "You guys grew up out here?" Yes. "Seriously." Yes. I, however, attended Catholic school through the 8th grade and did not have to go to this dungeon hell-hole of a junior high that is now a rec center of some sort--the AB Graham Center. *Insert look of blank shock and disbelief on said person's face.* Would you like some cake?
I've tried hard to cover any twang in some of my words that still persists. I've tried to change the way I say words, so I don't have to hear people give me shit about it. But I'm at a point where I just don't care what other people think. If they don't like it, they don't have to be around me. I still laugh when I think about me and my friend Mandi in high school making fun of the hicks, saying "Sheeeeee-iiit."
Things have an entirely different perspective for me now. Is that good? I don't know. Some of it is probably not so good. But we take the good with the bad, right?
All I can say for certain is that I feel broken.
May 19, 2006
I think about things to write about all day long. And when I finally sit down to write, every thought scatters out of my head like cockroaches in light.
I've noticed over the last couple of days that our neighbors have decided to turn their 3- or 4-year-old kids loose to return to the wild. And by turning them loose, I mean allow them to run out in the middle of the street without so much as a glance, run about a block and a half from their house, and run up and down our driveway 32 times a day...all totally unsupervised (surprise!). I don't know why any of this shocks me after living in a neighborhood with free-range chickens running up and down the street.
I swear this house next to us is cursed. Nothing but pure trash ever lives there. We get decent neighbors on the other side of us, but this house is just a shit magnet. The original neighbors we had were unbelievable. I guess I'd rather have babies running around feral than watch a man beat his wife and kids on the front porch.
I apparently popped a rib out of place about 3 weeks ago while working on the farm. I've had weird pain and discomfort down my left torso during that time. So I went to my Dr. yesterday, who handed me the final diagnosis. He sent me to get X-rayed today. Halfway through the X-rays, it popped back into place. Awesome. While it still feels weird, it definitely feels much better. Wonder what he'll say when they interpret the films. Hah.
And now, stolen from Wil's blog, The Shining. A romantic comedy.
May 18, 2006
So tiny.
These are awesome. Tiny Houses.
May 15, 2006
I sent this to a few people a couple of weeks ago, and I decided to post a link here. Several of you were asking me about it, so here it is. Enjoy.
Baby, you mean the World of Warcraft to me.
I'm also working on my first quiz. Hopefully, I'll get it posted this week.
May 14, 2006
I wasn't feeling particularly social today. Skipping yoga last week was probably a bad idea, regardless of how busy I was. Gotta make sure I go this week.
Some days I feel okay; others, I feel like punching the heads off daisies and ramming the stalks down the throat of the guy in the car in front of me.
May 11, 2006
What subversive alternative paradigm are you?
May 10, 2006
Valkyrie Missile
I stopped by my old English Prof's office and dropped off a copy of a book I edited. He likes to collect examples of technical editing that he can use in his classes, so I thought this would be a unique example. He flipped out. He said he couldn't wait to take it home and show his son that one of his students was editing RPGs. hah.
I also ran into my Spanish Prof on the Quad. He was a really great guy. I miss talking to him. He's an incredible teacher. Had I been younger, I'd have probably gone for a dual degree in Tech Writing and Spanish. I just hit a point where I felt like my life was never going to get started, and I wanted to get done, have a career, and kind-of-sort-of grow up. I'm not disappointed. Life is exactly what I expected it to be, and then some...good and bad.
I've been listening to Angels and Airwaves, and I'm teetering madly between mildly disinterested and feeling some sort of a odd, happy nostalgia. Tom DeLonge has an amazing voice, but none of the songs are punk by any means. The album is put together so as to have this space theme to it, and all of the songs have an undercurrent of similarity. The songs are all pretty mellow. The only song that really stands out for me is the single that was released.
I think Mark Hoppus was a good balance for him in Blink 182. Even Boxcar Racer had some punk elements, regardless of how bubblegum they were. Blink's Dude Ranch tour was how Kev asked me out for the first time. I had no idea who they were, but I was up for trying anything. Oh well. It'll be interesting to hear the electronica album Mark Hoppus is working on currently. Sounds like an interesting departure from his normal work.
May 9, 2006
I've been working on some gi-normous retractable screens for the upcoming tradeshow season. The 600+MB files require that I shut down everything except the program I'm working in and wait 10 - 20 minutes for the files to save or update with any changes. painful. I couldn't even accurately say that my laptop is powered by a mouse on a wheel. That's WAY too fast.
So after about 10 hours, I have two files ready to go to the sign maker. Two more to go... When I need to switch files, I have to reboot my computer to dump the RAM. Otherwise, it just locks up. /sigh I wish they understood the importance of having a machine that can actually handle these types of files. I did finally bitch my way into getting some more RAM put in it a couple months ago, but laptops suck balls when it comes to graphic design. I'm sure there are some really high end ones that would be great, but that's not going to happen where I am.
Well, I guess I better buckle down and do some editing tonight. This past week and a half has been way too busy. I'm going to have to put the nix on any activities on weeknights over the next two weeks. Too tired. Too much work to do.
And when you type in "mouse wheel" into Google images, you get lots of Asian soft core porn. Go figure.
May 7, 2006
It's been a hectic few days.
Thursday night, I went out with Mike, Tanya, and my friend Angi who was in town from NY. We went to The Pearl and saw some local punk bands. Luxury Pushers was the main reason I went. While I'm not terribly thrilled about seeing local bands much anymore, I hadn't seen Purtle in several years. It was nice catching up with him. He used to be in a punk band with my husband about a decade ago, and he's always been super nice to me.
Angi's ex, Jim, was also there. It was good to see that he's doing all right. He was buying us drinks like crazy, which was very, very cool of him. Purtle and one of the other band members found out it was my birthday, and they both bought me another round of drinks. My original plan was to go out with some friends, have a couple of drinks, and be in bed by midnight. Yeah, that didn't happen. Sometime around 2am, I stumbled into the apartment and somehow managed to put myself to bed.
I'm patiently waiting for Angi to send me pics of that night as I was far too inebriated to be able to take a picture, much less hold a camera. I'll post a page for them later. But here are Tanya's pics for the night.
Anyway, still feeling drunk at 6am, I decided to sleep in till 8:30. At 8am, I woke up and waffled heavily on whether or not I should call in. I decided that if I didn't throw up in the shower, I'd go to work. Aaand I went to work. As I was scavenging for something to eat that morning, I opened the refrigerator to find this:
The night before, Kev and his mom had picked out a Ritter's Ice Cream Cake for me. I had seen it in the fridge that night and thought "awesome!" Then shut the refrigerator door and went out for the night. Notice that I used the word "refrigerator" and not "freezer." Yes, both Kev and I didn't even think about ice cream being in the refrigerator. But honestly, post-thaw it was the best 30th birthday cake I could have possibly gotten: sad, defeated, warbly, and a little broken down. Perfect. But I re-froze it, and it was just as good as it would have been in pristine condition. No harm done to the taste, which is what really matters.
My boss had called Kev making sure I was okay since I was running late, and he told her I'd had a rough night. She knew I was going out for my 30th, so she laughed and said she thought so. Considering this is the first time in my life I've gotten destroyed on a work night, I can say with some certainty that it probably won't happen least until I turn 40. My boss is pretty cool, so as long as this isn't a habit, she'll be fine with it. She even let me go home at 2pm to recover for a Cinco de Mayo party I was going to that night. Rock!
So anyway, I took my mom and brother-in-law to a Cinco de Mayo party at my friends Keith and Heather's place. It was a nice, mellow get-together with lots of delicious, snack-y food. Their chicken chili cheese dip is the shit. I've GOT to get that recipe.
Saturday I went out to the farm for a bit to work on organizing and pricing for the sale and then rushed home to get ready for Hofbrauhaus. This time, we were seated in the side room, which I believe is the no-smoking section. To be honest, I think I enjoyed it more than being in the main room with the oompah-band. The first couple of times you go, the oompah band is a hoot. Watching 70-yr-old women out-drink 30-something rednecks in a contest is a hoot. Watching people do the polka that have no clue what they're doing is a hoot. But after the 4th or 5th time you go, you just want to enjoy the food and be able to talk to your friends. The side room is definitely the way to go.
I watched Sci-Fi's Minotaur last night when we got home, which was pretty amusing. I've had it TiVO'd for a while. Today, I'm just working on some editing and resting the strained muscle in my rib cage. Anyone who says yoga is safe is a jackass. I've hurt myself as many times doing yoga as I have doing contact sparring. yar.
May 4, 2006
Thir-D Day
I stayed up till midnight last night, looking at the clock every 30 seconds and sighing for the last 5 minutes. At the stroke of midnight, Kevin hammer-danced around me and chanted "old old old old old."
May 2, 2006
T-2 and counting
I was pretty excited when I came across this today.
I've been a big Bukowski fan ever since my husband introduced me to Love is a Dog From Hell. Who else would have poems with titles like "I have shit stains in my underwear too." Kev has one of his CDs that I have listened to about a thousand times. To really appreciate his poetry, you have to read it while hearing the words in your mind in his creepy-dad, I-just-don't-care-anymore voice.
One of his short stories in The Most Beautiful Woman in Town disturbed me so much that I had to put the book down and not pick it up again for about a month. I would occasionally look at the book, feel nauseated, and shake my head. Anything that can evoke such a response instantly earns my respect.
Fitting. Death. Enjoy.

1920 - 1994

May 1, 2006
Kind of like black and huge, but different.
So tell me why, sweet god of all creation, is this abomination being made? I am so damn tired of remakes.
And I found this quote on the blog Jesus' Favorite (and no it's not a Jesus Crispy site. Check it out):
"...nothing can make up for the absence of one whom we love, and it would be wrong to try to find a substitute; we must simply hold out and see it through. That sounds very hard at first, but at the same time it is a great consolation; for the gap, as long as it remains unfilled, preserves the bond between us. It is nonsense to say that God fills the gap; God does not fill it, but on the contrary, keeps it empty and helps us to keep alive our former communion with each other, even at the cost of pain." - Deitrich Bonhoeffer