March 2007 Archive

March 31, 2007
Yum
We ate at BD's Mongolian Grill at The Greene today. It wasn't fantastic, but it was something pleasantly different. You pile meat and veggies into a bowl, then mix another small bowls of sauces, and then it's all tossed onto a giant grill and cooked in front of you. Which is fine and dandy unless they do into one of their little singing frenzies and start pounding the grill with their tongs, which is DEAFENING. I didn't like that part much.

Kev was pleased to find out that he could claim an allergy and have his cooked in a sterile wok in the kitchen, so he wouldn't end up with someone else's onions in his food.

I made sure my bowls were small, as I wanted to try some different things but didn't want to eat myself to death either. I'd give it a 7 on a scale of 1-10, maybe a 6. Avoid mixing the Fajita Sauce; it sucks balls. But the Mongolian and Asian Sauces are pretty tasty. It's not cheap, but it's not outrageous either. $7.99 for 1 bowl, which you can heap as high as you want. You can even pile one whole bowl full of meat and another of veggies, and as long as it all fits in one of the serving bowls after being grilled, it's still considered one bowl. If you want unlimited bowls, it's $11.99. So, it's not bad.

I watched this 5-foot, 80-pound, 12 year old hand over two entire bowls of at least 5 different meats to the griller. Here's to hoping she doesn't get food poisoning since all those meats have different cooking times. You're only supposed to pick one meat, but no one stops you. ugh.
posted by Karabou at 8:07 PM EST
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March 28, 2007
Heh

posted by Karabou at 10:54 PM EST
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March 26, 2007
True Dreams of Wichita
So. Today is the day. One year ago today, my life turned upside down.
And rather than post the heart-wrenching saga I had planned to, I'd rather just talk about something nice. I had a great day today. Good days are beginning to outnumber the bad ones, but if I wake up in a great mood, I'm going to seize that day by the balls and enjoy the shit out of it, regardless of what day it happens to be.
To be honest, today is just another day. It has no power over me. I won't let it. I could sit around wallowing in misery, crying "why me" for several hours, but the fact is, it won't make me feel any better. Dad is gone. And as much as it hurts and as much as it breaks my heart, I am still alive. And I'm not going to waste my time on this planet feeling sorry for myself, feeling sorry for my loss. Life is too short to waste it on such negative self-destruction.
Honestly, I woke up feeling relieved this morning. FINALLY, one year. One year means that worst is probably behind me. One year means that I have survived all the holidays and made it through (we won't bring up the holiday gorge-fest that happened this year). One year means that I don't have as many bad days as good. One year means the pain will slowly begin to subside more and more.
I'll save my PTSD-coping post for another day when I need a good cry. Today is for living, remembering, and being happy.
I went to my grandma's to have her teach me how to make her specialty: filled noodles. Her husband's mother used to make them, and she decided to figure out the recipe on her own, which she did. I used to gorge myself on them when I was a kid. She said she had numerous failures in the process, and I don't doubt that my noodle dough will suffer miserably the first few times I try to make them on my own. But I'll keep trying until I get it right. I like the idea of family recipes.
Then, I stopped by my other grandma's for a while. After that, I hit the gym for about an hour, and did weights till my arms and legs were jiggling like Jell-O. And now, I'm going to fold some laundry, make a little dinner, and enjoy my night.
It was a beautiful day. I'm glad I seized it. It's still rubbing its balls and crying for mama.

posted by Karabou at 5:56 PM EST
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March 19, 2007
360
Kev got an Xbox 360 yesterday. Since some plans are on the backburner for a year or so, we could afford a small splurge. He won't need to buy any games right away since a few of our friends will let him borrow theirs for a while. He got a free wireless controller in the deal, and since it's a shitty Microsoft product, he had to actually buy one of those service plans. I don't know anyone that hasn't had to return theirs at least once in the first few months.
I've decided to stop taking the anti-inflammatory for good after finding out today that my recently increased anxiety, nervousness, insomnia, and (more intense than usual) dream abnormalities are likely being intensified by it. It's not helping anymore anyway, so why bother.
Kev's car should be done getting a tune-up tomorrow, and once I have my car back, I'll get an appt. with my doc to discuss those shots in the ribcage. I am really, really sick of it. Time to just do what has to be done.
Wednesday, I get my taxes done. Hopefully, we won't owe too much since I'm no longer a full-time contractor. The amount I owe for my freelance editing should be mostly covered by what I would have received as a refund and by the massive amount of credits I can claim. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed.
posted by Karabou at 9:33 PM EST
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March 18, 2007
Wake 'n Bacon
Wake to the smell and sizzle of bacon every morning.
posted by Karabou at 10:42 PM EST
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March 14, 2007
It was the end of my world as I knew it. And I don't feel fine.
We're creeping up on a year. One of the blogs I read,185 Cranios Walk Into a Bar, has a recent post about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in the grieving. Intense, vivid nightmares, inability to sleep, panic attacks like I've never had before, sudden phobias and fears that make me not want to leave the house and chain Kevin to the couch so nothing could ever happen to him...sounds like PTSD to me. That and the grief counselor I saw for a while said it was possible I could develop it later. So, following the suggestion of Ms. Cranio, I'm going to try to re-live the experience in a safe environment.
I just have to grow the balls to let myself feel it. It's so much easier to put on the brave face and pretend everything is fine. I don't want other people's pity. So there's the conundrum. How do you express the horror that's inside of you without feeling like you're burdening everyone you know and begging for attention? My grief counselor told me I follow the male model of grieving. I suck it up, tuck it away, and rub some dirt on it. No time for sorrow, self-pity, or weeping. There was a job to be done. I have other things to do. Distraction. Depression. Sorrow.
Last night, I was almost asleep. I was in the place where you're teetering on the edge of vast, empty sleep and barely aware. Suddenly, I felt like the room is spinning, like Tilt-a-Whirl spinning. I'm scared. I wake up. I tell myself it's just a panic attack. Every time I start to fall asleep, it comes back. Then, I'm convinced I'm bleeding to death internally every time I enter that almost-asleep state. Then I gasp and jerk awake, and I'm fine. This cycle continues for what seemed like 15 minutes but ended up being more like 2 hours. Guess I should be thankful for that. Pre-emptive Ambien tonight.
Maybe I'll start taking the risk and writing about what I'm really feeling. But then I'd have to be able to let myself cry, and hurt, and feel sorrow. And I'm so sick of that. I'm so sick of all of it. When does it get better because so far, there's no light at the end of my tunnel.
posted by Karabou at 11:31 PM EST
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March 13, 2007
Of Squids and Suicide
Last night, I dreamed some guy shot himself in the face on the street where my grandma's old house was (10 years ago). And because he shot himself, all hell had broken loose. There were burning cars and rubble everywhere, burned and bleeding bodies strewn all over the street. In the dream, Kev was driving me, and I was trying to make sense of what I saw. I woke up and thought to myself, "That's why suicide isn't worth it. You kill 15 other people when you do it." lol Odd.
Then, I fell back asleep and dreamed I lived in an ocean-side town, and we were all afraid this giant squid is going to attack the town. Somehow, I was underwater, and I see the squid coming a long way off, so I warn everybody to run for the town church because it has a cavernous basement that the squid can't penetrate. This thing is like 10 stories tall and wrapping itself around buildings to try to suck people out. Once most of us made it to the basement, the dream started to get lucid, and I started controlling what was happening as I woke up. Which means it got far less interesting as we blew up the squid and saved the day.
posted by Karabou at 10:04 PM EST
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March 11, 2007
Yoinks
We watched The Departed on Friday night. It was good, though I wasn't terribly keen on the ending. But I suppose it wouldn't have had the impact it did if it had ended any other way.
And we saw 300 today. Beautiful. I loved it...probably more for it's Greek history re-enactment than its plot or historical accuracy. I'm a sucker for a man in a loincloth covered in someone else's blood. What can I say?
posted by Karabou at 10:49 PM EST
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March 04, 20076, 2007
All Hail Zardoz!
Looking for Fark ideas today and came across this.

Also found this article: When Wild Girls Rule
posted by Karabou at 6:16 PM EST
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March 05, 2007
Bleh
I love when people try to blame their children's behavior on "peer pressure" or "they just made a bad choice." I'm sorry, but robbing a bank at gunpoint isn't "falling in with the wrong crowd." And it's in no where near the same ball park as shoplifting a candy bar. I knew that stealing, much less armed robbery, was wrong somewhere in early grade school. So saying your poor, sweet little 19-year-old made a "bad choice" is an understatement. I hope they go to prison.
Shameless Plug Time!
My friend Keith recently took the RPM challenge to write and produce 10 songs during the month of February. You can download or listen to his album at www.flymonkeyfly.com. A phenomenally talented (and at times hilarious) musician, Keith's music is diverse and thoroughly enjoyable. I think you'll dig it.

posted by Karabou at 9:53 PM EST
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March 04, 2007
*yawn*
Haven't felt like doing much lately. I did watch Marie Antoinette last week with Tanya. It was mediocre. It would have been better as a serious period piece. The bizarre 80s music just seemed COMPLETELY out of place. Me thinks Ms. Coppola might have been a one-trick pony. Only time will tell.
posted by Karabou at 6:47 PM EST
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